i have been trying to write for a long time. But till now I have been procrastinating it. But today was a different day. today i saw this picture in my FB news feed. this is homeless guy holding a card with four simple word LOST IT ALL, STARTING OVER.. These words talked to me, a much needed heart to heart conversation.
Conversation between Lost and Me.
Lost: Hey there!
ME: umm!!.. Hi maybe.
Lost: Wanna talk about something?
Me: YEAH.. But you are just a word.. lost.. vanished.. gone.. astray.. what can i possibly talk with you.
Lost: Probably about things that you have lost in your life.. if not in your.. only this year..
Me: hmm… this year.. yea I want to talk about things that i have lost.. people that i have lost.. I lost my most beloved house, where I used to live with my family. my parents and siblings and a cat. A casual life where there ere difficulties but everything was under control. I had to shift to a place unknown to me .. and had to live there for unknown period of time.
I lost my regular routine. Going to college, hanging out with friends, lying on my favorite brown sofa watching TV, laughing loud, sneaking into the fridge at 3:30 in the morning. these little things were important for me but I lost them.
I lost my love for life. Seeing my mother so sick and being helpless in that situation was the most difficult situation i have ever faced. Seeing my father worried for her beloved wife and children forced me to forget about the beauties of life. Watching my younger siblings stop themselves from saying things which they thought were normal when things were normal. Watching them realize that things have changed, but not for the better, was heart wrenching.
I lost my mother.
I lost my self confidence, pride, strength and so much more. I gave up on myself this year.
Lost: Stop. Don’t cry.
Me: i have lost it all. its all gone. in 365 days i have lost my life.
This was moment when i heard Starting over talk.
SO: Hey Hey Hey…. its not over. See you are still breathing. You are still alive.
Me: Breathing is not being alive.
SO: But breathing is SOMETHING. You have lost some really important people and things. But look here you are.
Me: But.. I have lost it all… I am not who i used to be.. things are not how they used to be..
SO: They can be.. If not same like before but still better thn today.. If you want to.
SO: Start Over.
So here i am starting over. Trying to do things which i have always prolonged. Today I have decided to push myself to make things better. to make myself feel better. to be optimistic about myself.
If a homeless man with much more difficult life can be so full of hope. Why cant I have hope..