I have been doing nothing lately. Recently completed my graduation, chilling at home now for almost 2 months. These two months were good and bad in many ways.
I have been successfully eating healthier food, working out more, and reading more too. So these are good signs aren’t they? No. Not really.
I talk less. I smile less. I am not spending time with anyone. Not even with myself.
So many Doubts
I constantly feel lonely. There are some moments in the day when I am at ease. I feel comfortable with myself. But they vanish before I realize I am comfortable.
There are moments when I want to cry out loud. Apparently I don’t have any reason to cry.
My family gets worried when they see my red, swollen eyes. They ask me again and again ” Are you OK?” and “What happened?”.
I have no answer to there questions. If I tell them “I don’t know”, would they believe it? No. Believe me I have tried and this makes them even more upset.
My significant other ( that’s the word he prefers ), is always worried. I get texts asking ” Am I making you unhappy?” and “Is my love not enough?”
I tell him I am happy and he is all I want, and I mean it. But he is not satisfied with my answers either. If I tell him ” I am lost”, would he try to understand? I don’t know.
I feel lonely. Even though I have everyone I love and care about, around me. But my heart is still waiting for something. Someone.
Someone who would ask me everything I want to tell. Someone who feels lonely like me. Someone, living somewhere else, doing something else but can still connect with me. Who is not in love with me, instead only enjoys my company. Talks about coffee shops, books, insecurities, music and anything and everything.
Someone who is a friend.
Do you ever feel like this? Tell me in the comments below.
Love ya’ll. ❤